A Decade of Lessons (Pt. II)
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August 11, 2007
6. Sex is a consummation of desire, not a cure for lust.
I was foolish to think that when my wife and I could make love, I would no longer struggle with lust. I was wrong. It would take years before I could say that I was free and it would cost me dearly. Bottom line, who you are before you're married is who you are when you get married. Just because you have an outlet to express your physical desires doesn't mean you can have sex at any moment, all of the time. It's not a cure all for lust. Marriage doesn't solve your problems, it exposes them. When you commit to doing life together, there's suddenly this another person who sees you at your best and at your worst.
Which brings me to my next point...
7. How you handle disagreements, fights, and squabbles reveals the health of your marriage.
You will disagree. You will argue. If you're shaking your head "No" right now, then you're delusional. This person will see you as you've never been seen, and you have to be comfortable with this. How you handle these moments speaks deeply about the quality of your marriage and says even more about your character. How you treat your spouse is the truest reflection of who you are and a measuring test for how you will engage with the rest of the human race.
(And on a side note, when you do disagree, sex is great grounds for making up. Admit you're wrong, say "I'm sorry," and take it to the bedroom. **Cue that "Boyz II Men." **)
8. You will never fully understand her...love her anyway.
There are moments where my wife is emotional on a level that I DO NOT understand. Ten years of marriage and I still don't get it. I have NO IDEA why she's crying. As a man, it's moments like these where I feel obligated to "fix" something. The dude in me says, "How can I make this right?" but experience tells me to listen. This is my wife. She is precious. Just because I don't understand doesn't mean I can't do my best to try. People (spouses included) are not just problems to be solved. So often, she just wants to be heard. She doesn't need my repair skills, she needs me to be present and to love her in light of my limited understanding.
9. Don't stop delivering.
Now, that you're married you've got to keep it going. If you want to stay married, date nights are a must. By "must" I mean they're non-optional, necessary moments that you have to put on the calendar otherwise your marriage will suck. Be creative. Be romantic. Be together. And have some freakin' fun!! This is your marriage, so make it an adventure. Spice it up. Chase after your spouse now, as you did then.
10. You are the prophetic vision of the Christ you want your family to see.
When she sees you, does she see Jesus? If you claim to represent God's love, but your life does not show it, then where is your love walk falling short? As the leader of your family, you are the representation of what Christ is to the church. He loves her and willingly laid down His life for her (John 10:11). Would you do the same? Let me very clear on this point. What I mean to say is that the manner in which you conduct yourself, the example you live out in front of your family, says everything about who you believe Jesus is and who you want them to become. You're the husband. You're their dad. As Christ is in you, so will He be in them.
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