Feeling the Weight
/“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
Photo Credit: Matthias Heil
About 2 months ago, God started asking me to think about what it truly meant to use the unique resources He has given me to reach a hurting world. I would let myself feel the weight of His invitation for a day or a few hours but no longer. I knew that if I accepted this it would change my life. It would require more of me than I was willing to give at the time.
I was holding Him at arms length.
How?
I would let apathy wrap me up like a heavy blanket - not just heavy enough to slow me down, but also comfortable enough to help me forget to care.
There were times I’d try to shake myself awake. But I still made allowances for things I knew were holding me back all in the name of “balance”. But balance always turned into excess. Isn’t it funny how that happens?
Here’s a thought:
If there’s a disparity between our day-to-day experience and who we know God is calling us to be, then somewhere, deep down, we are believing a lie - a lie that we’ve embraced so thoroughly, it’s impacting our everyday behavior.
The irritating thing about lies is their subtlety. They slip under the radar so easily and before you know it, you’ve bought into them hook, line, and sinker.
The lie I think I most often believe is “It’s okay. You can start tomorrow.”
But God, in His infinite grace, has been reassuring me of the following:
- LOVING people is what matters. No, not winning people over or impressing them, but LOVING people. When we love sacrificially we love like Jesus. And when we serve one another we show people Jesus. We preach the gospel everywhere we go.
- Not everyone is going to feel things as deeply as I do or in the same way I do. God gives each of us a unique perspective and a unique way of expressing that perspective. The majority of us are so sedated by the idols of our own choosing that God is unable to develop that unique perspective into anything impactful.
- This is going to take time. I can’t help but think that I have so much further to come. That’s why I wrote a list of “Daily Expectations”. These are the things God is calling me to be faithful in right now as He has been reassuring me He’s going to take care of the rest. What would a list of daily expectations look like for you?
- In order to feel the weight of the call you have to throw off the weight of lesser things...things that at face-value don’t look all that harmful. These things take up valuable “bandwidth”. You can’t have both.
Hebrews 12:1-2
You’ve been given an assignment. Your assignment is to live a grace-filled, gospel-driven, justice-loving life.
You weren't created to just work a nine-to-five job and retire one day. You were created for good things that God, in His foresight, prepared for you ahead of time (Ephesians 2:10).
You’ve been uniquely resourced to complete that assignment knowing that if God has called you to it, then He’s more invested than even you are. Everything you need is found in Him. You don’t have to worry about how, and you don’t have to worry about when. All you need to do is say, "yes". Say, "yes" when He tells you to put down your phone. Say, "yes" when He moves you to prayer. Say, "yes" when He asks you to go.
Don't give yourself a chance to hesitate. If you've been holding Him at arms length, if you've been half-heartedly embracing the Gospel I pray that the Holy Spirit deals with you like He did with me. I pray that you become utterly dissatisfied with life as you know it.
Go ahead, feel the weight.
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